by maximusaurus

You know what’d be really cool? If people had tails. Like dogs. You only have to look at a dog’s tail to know what mood it’s in. That’s one of the reasons I like dogs. Plus, I reckon I’d look pretty freakin’ groovy (more so than usual, even) with a long brushy tail. I’d get it dyed so that it looked like flames coming out of my bum.

Human body language is very peculiar. For instance, among other terrestrial mammals, baring one’s teeth and making eye contact is generally code for “I want to chew on the tube that connects your head to your body, so get outta my face”. With us, it means virtually the opposite.

Left to its own devices, my body tends to adopt poses that are at odds with how I actually feel. I could be quite cheerful, but I’ll be marching stiffly down the street like Frankenstein’s monster hooked up to a car battery.

To try to combat this, I invented an acronym to remind me of how to present myself: S.E.R.S. Stands for Straight (as in don’t slouch) Eye contact, Relax, Smile.

I often use acronyms to remind myself of things I have to do, because I find it hard to keep multiple things in mind at once. But when I only have to remember “SERS”, that makes things a lot easier.

It’s not that I’m faking the actual emotions, it’s just that I sometimes have to manually calibrate my body to accurately reflect how I feel.

Yeah, I know it sounds like a cross between SARS and MERS cobbled together by the villain of a Tom Clancy novel, but since viruses are a special interest of mine, I get a twisted kick out of that. Then again, the word “Asperger’s” makes me think of a vegan fast food chain specializing in burgers made from Asparagus.

Or maybe I’m just whacky word-wrangler with too much time on his hands. Yeah, let’s go with that.