Max Flu

by maximusaurus

Any male will know the agonizing ravages of that most horrific of diseases, “Man Flu”. (Which, by the way ladies, science has recently proved is real. You’ll have to Google it though, WordPress is being an insufferable gherkin and not letting me link)

Less well known though, is a rare mutant strain of this disease, so diabolical that the KGB, the League of Shadows, and Weyland-Yutani tried to weaponize it. The governments of the world deny its existence, so it has no official name, but the genius who discovered it coined it “Max Flu”.

Max Flu is a very selective virus; nobody knows how many people are susceptible to it, but the majority of the population seems naturally immune. I myself am unlucky enough to be one of few who are not.

In addition to the usual discomfort of Man Flu, Max Flu has the additional effect of making the victim acutely anxious and paranoid about infecting others. A patient with Max Flu will go to extreme lengths to avoid passing on the disease, including holding their breath in the presence of healthy people, washing their hands to the point of the skin splitting, and shutting themselves in their room for the duration of the illness. The victim will also suffer from guilt and panic attacks if they believe they may have infected somebody else.

There is currently no vaccine against Max Flu, and the only effective treatment seems to be a combination of the remedies used for colds/influenza and OCD. If you too have experienced this illness, please contact Maximusaurus Viral Research in the comments section. (But use a fake name; THEY ARE WATCHING)